Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in ricky2291's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009
12:00 pm	Gotta finish teaching myself to play this. http://w3m.t35.com/sheets/StraylightRun-ExistentialismOnPromNight.pdf (Comment on this)
Monday, July 14th, 2008
8:29 pm	lalala http://www.flickr.com/photos/rtothezappicky/sets/72157606177966670/show/ (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 17th, 2008
8:36 pm	I hate being this cold. So cold all the layers do is keep the cold in? That the sun itself would just make you sweat ice? The feeling of iscolation maybe? Just the want to be unconscience? But your internal clock says otherwise? Jack's Mannequin describes this as "Dark Blue," I suppose. "Feeling alone in a crowded room". But I am alone. Not emotionally, nor mentally. I have people that like me and care about me and want to be with me and see me and talk to me. Physically, I'm ignored or alone. I don't like it. I havn't felt this cold since sixth grade. I sat by myself. My table was the bad table. The only people that ever sat there were the ones forced to. Sure a couple lunch ladys insisted on otherwise, but you think I ever cared in the slightest?No. It's come back. For the first time in years, at least to this level. I hate it.And I'm not acting like I feel bad. I don't know how I can describe it. It's so weird. I just want someone to randomly say, "HEY YOU, WHATS WRONG". =\ It's bad. Fix it. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 25th, 2007
10:50 pm	Merry Christmas. As the world finishes another resolution, I prepare my New Years resolution. My self-wriiten constitution, My self-preservation statement. i can't write. I'll just rant. Or try to. I want to. DK what to say. I'll rant later. yeah. not in the mood to write. well Iam. but I'm not. It's weird. xD. (Comment on this)
Friday, November 2nd, 2007
3:49 am	lolrandom. Inspired a rant about sleep. Sleep. For whatever reason, nearly all forms of life are given the natural right for rest. Why? I'm not going to sit here and rant Creation much, but wouldn't in theory, people be more effective as twenty-four hour workers? Let's go off the religious deep end. God labled the seventh day, the sabboth, and gave right to rest. Running some approx numbers, that means in a week, about 168 hours? 24 of those should be devoted to relaxation, but that definition. 144 Hours, then, if my math servers right 4 45 in the morning, *yawn*, That gives plenty of time to work. Yet physically, the body tends to run on a schedule forcing a 6-8 hour period of rest. 8*6=58, which means your up about 100 hours a Week. About a third of your life, is wasted in suspended anmation. You could take this in many ways: A.) You could feel that this is "The Creator"'s way of showing pity for surviving through stressful events after one another. B.)You could feel infomration overload is subconsciously recognized as a problem, and the brain promotes sleep the induce processing time. C.)You could feel that for your "hard work" for the other 3/rds of the day reward you with the deserving rest. I, Personally, through don't have a streightforward opinion, heavily believe response C is INCREDIBLY improbable. In theory, you'd be getting rewarded with complete nothingness. Just numbness until you're wide awake, and the dreams your mind process. Dreams. I'll get on dreams in a minute. First, I feel that sleep, through people have slight control over holding back, Sleeping in it's entirety controled subconsciously. It's sleep or die, and instinctvley, the body has to eventually say "Destroying [my]self is not worth the little gain [I] recieved from being awake more often, through less fucntional." That, in my opinion, ties into why the body creates dreams for us. As much as I want to believe the body can control dreams, so i can omit dreams as nothing more as, well nothing, that's impossible. I'm not saying I don't like dreams either, I adore them. I just feel the urge to understand them more. Lucid dreaming. One of, in my opinion, the most interesting concepts ever. For those undeducated in the field, Lucid dreaming is the skill to process the fact your in a dream mid-dream. It's also very similar in the basis that, If you understand you are in a dream, you gain control of yourself throughout it. The most common example, is, being in a place you don't like in a dream, and then not liking it, so you completley fly away. Impossible? I'd like to think so. But in a realm of that sort, Imagination is the only border. Utopia is most pheasable there then anywhere. I've only ever expierenced it once. I was dreaming, and I can't recall the dream, but I remember screaming at myself to wake up, and in the dream, my head could hear it. I don't believe I was acting differently, but I heard it. I felt so incredibly weak in those few moments, like as if I was induced with complete paralysis. The sheer rush gotten from imagining undefined and unlimited powers, it's rather flabbergasting. Makes me sound like a power whore. I'm not. Theres no easy way to define sleep. To define why, To define how. It's something people rarley question. Sleep puts you in a rather vulnerable position, yet for whatever reason (If we go back to the religious situation, one could argue all must sleep simotaniously for reasoning), The body sleeps anyway, to some extent fascinates me. It's a concept that will rarley be questioned, and even less often, understood. (Comment on this)
3:29 am	Lolrandom. Does this numb prophicy compensate for the lack of dew on your window seal? The good numb. The kind where you wake up like your on the moon, and everything you think mumbles together, and regeratated without recognition? And while you sit there trying to verbalize something so awe-inspiring, and every word you use as the description just mumbles together without recognition, That makes for perfect sense of re-retiring? It's that four a.m. hint of stench, alongside that four a.m. hint of life not stirring yet. The compensation of this,comboed with that moonlite window seal spill, Sets up for the perfect atmosphere to make sense of nothing. Awoken this morning, with no motive, and a passion to write, I demand my right to write, through meaning undetermined. I skim the borders of my mind, as blatent as they may be right now, And as the fog clears, and I clearly see, This has no meaning. I feel rediculous. Who writes about waking up in the middle of the night, not wanting to go back to bed? I'd like to assume someone that would rather write about it, then slumber. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, October 6th, 2007
8:36 am	ooh laa laa. Moy Interasante This irony of all this, You couldn't fit into a shoebox, nor a van, nor comprehension. It's interesting how after for the first time you tell someone you like them, You always resay it "I like you bunches", or "I likey you lots." You can't say it like that ever again, Soley because doesn't flow right. So kids say they love them, because it sounds better, and therefore love to make themselves sound good. It's interesting how people do almost anything for looks. They get the best clothes, the best make-up. Yet a simple flower, one of the most loveliest thing this planet has to offer, Will never know how pretty itself is. It's interesting how people can't accept "because" as an answer to "Why?" Anything in this world can be proven wrong, and if it can't, it's because it can't be proven at all.Yet they always want a clear cut answer. It's interesting that I always want a clear cut answer. It's interesting how people, naturally are so defensive. They talk about hating change, they talk about how they hate getting hurt. Yet they love and let live, they leave themselves so vulnerable while praying, and say the boldest thing, without fear of repercussion. It's interesting how pestimistic colors are. I mean, think about it. You put together every aspect of ever shade. And what do you get? Black. The boldest,bleakest black. You take away all those intriguing accents, and you have pure, blank white. and how after you tanish that with any shade of your life, it's impossible to purify. It's interesting how nothing can begin without some mental will, yet actions speak louder the words. It's interesting how people look at individuals for love. Uniqueness. One-of-a-kind-ness. And then they put on the same clothes their best friend has, and walks out the door in the morning. It's interesting how everyone always whines about drama. Yet weekly dramatic television shows rule peoples' nights on the weekends. It's interesting how often people play the same song time and time again. To the point where they know every word by heart, every beat of every drum, and could recite it in their head backwards. Yet so often, do they never take a second to think about what the song acctually means. It's interesting that the shock treatment isn't used more often. Think about how often people would mess up time and time again. You want to teach common sense, that's how you do it. It's interesting how the most adult-like people, with no bit of imagination left, can have some of the craziest dreams, with no physically possible basis, improbable plot, and no moral. It's interesting how a hug, considered to be one of the most effective ways of expression affection, or closeness, to someone puts you in the perfect position to be stabbed in the back. It's interesting, it really is. I've only scratched the surface, and yet your mind is probably evolving thoughts out of the simple contents of this.Yet the fact that nothing will ever change, isn't that thought process irrelevent. I mean there's no real question to ask here. You can ask, Why?". But the only real explanation, is that people never thought about it. So if you ever question any of these... Just say "because." and stop giving it so much thought. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 16th, 2007
9:11 am	Capitalize on this moment, make the most of the best, this is your best, The golden age, your golden age. Capsualize this momento Make it the most;; the worthiest The wordiest, Your greatest chapter, Your favorite page. And I, Fall short by just one word each time, But I'll learn how to say what I mean, I mean, mean what I say, I mean, I pray day to day, That I'll still feel this way. And I, Fell the weight of the world singing sorrows. The melody is stuck in my head, I'm writing this in perfection; in harmony, Much like the way your heart beats, allignes with the one from me. I still don't know what I'm talking bout. Like, or life, or liking life, But either way I like you all the same. And I'm tongue-tied, tied up, and these words keep messing up, I'll try one more time so listen up, and if I mess up, I'll try again. Fail, try, and try again, (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, July 5th, 2007
7:28 am	Upbeat for a change? The bringing down of every note, and singing every word she wrote Iscolating, Cativating , and remotley stimulating Exhilirating, like a top; my head spins. it just won't stop I don't know if to play or flop or if I wanna reach the top. I feel headstrong, maybe thats wrong, but I doubt i'll last this long. I got this song just from my mood, Or I got my mood from this song? A morality reality, No reason to be mad at me I don't fabricate I retaliate With words and verbs that make you hate Appriciate these words I spill, fill every crevice to be filled Actknowledge this knowledge, This life-earned-learned knowledge, So you realize you don't need to jump off of no ledge Just a thought. I'll finish later. (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 21st, 2007
2:35 pm	I just need to keep you in mind.... as something larger then life. I like to babble. Just ranting for miles without knowing how to put it to verse. Just try to streighten out the words into some clever metaphor. Of course, someday, when I learn how to write worthwhile, I'm going to look at these. And laugh at how clever, or lack there of, I really am. I'm gonna feel stupid, and putrid, and digsusted and hating, But right now.... Right now... I don't care. This makes me happy. The sheer fact that no ones gonna read any of these to any actknowledgement, I'm fine with that. I'm done showing people these, I can just hope maybe someone makes an effort to find this themselves? or ask me even. I like to be pushed around. It makes me happy. I hate being the boss, because its my head when the bad times go down. I don't evne know what I'm saying anymore. But once I figure it out, I'll put it here. ... hmmm. I wonder. No one cares enough to see these, so why do I always try to make everything on here sound so rythmic and lyrical? Personal satifcastion? No, because I'm happy with myself. Maybe flattery, because I want to be good at this. And someone out there has to like my work, someone has to like my stuff. I've had someone tell me my stuff was horrible. It made me feel better then anything anyone else has ever said about it. When I trust someone, I trust them with everything I am, I give myself up to them. It just sucks when thats too much for them to bare. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
2:25 pm	ohh. My scent just makes you claustrophobic And that doesn't make just you breath harder, either. You get so...overwhelmed?...I sufficate you till you drown, I'm just getting a little to hooked, a little to addicited, But your the one thats about to OD. I'm only paranoid that you think I'm paranoid, I trust you more then you'll ever know. It's like two trees, planted side by side. I want us to grow together, and eventually twine together. Cause I think those trees are the coolest in the world. And I care too much, Its the only reason theres ever this conflict, We don't even argue, I'm not even a dick. Im trying to give you room, all the room in the world, But I hate that big chasm, seperating me from my world. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 27th, 2007
10:15 pm	A reborn soldier lost in the rebellion I wake up in the morning with this nightmare still on playback, My eyes, they scream exhaustion, but were not here to discuss that. I caught you undercover under covers where's your cover-up? Oh so glad you can admit it,oh come on, shut the fuck up.Im glad your doing fine,but you once said you had manners, Well it just so happens you forgot to clean up this mess you've made. And i know you are not my maid, and i know that i need clinic aid,That's why I'm curious as to how decicious is this blade? I'm decomposing, writing last thoughts in this composition, so I shouldn't waste my time with petty repititions,I could keep on going about you, but I just spoke of how i such hate repitition, Oh hypocite me we'll be done just momentarily. Feeling flattered? You shouldn't, Your truley the last intention, but I thought the bringer of my suicide's worth honorary mention. At my funeral, make sure you come, and bring a dozen roses. But keep the stems, your so deserving of the thorns.Touché , my cliché just brightened up my day, if only since your so nieve you missed the contridicition. Your lure was once my cure, now it's something that I can't endure,The irony's your tyrany has crumbled on the floor. you've made me paranoid and near insane, but at the very least I stopped your reign. I know thats so hard to believe, after insisting that I hate,or insisting that I love, depending on your perspective. but your just an excuse so I can write...oh that's not alright? I don't care your word as monarchy is now no more then malarky. Im scarred, but laughing but thank you for it all, I'm like a reborn soldier lost in the rebellion (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 7th, 2007
10:46 pm	oh what a web we've weaven. Arms wide with hospitality and its nice how you always flatter me. but hang your coat at the door and this isnt holloween, so take off your mask too. All right Coach,fourth and long, she's his play from his little black book. keep playing me until i break. a trip to the ER would be the break What Destruction that lies upon thou's wake! you've smoothered souls and dampered dreams These words cant describe what you've done to her world These rythmes dont compare to the strain, and her pain. She enteres the ring, expecting a ring knocked to the floor round one, but comes up for one more She hears the cheers, so doesnt throw in the towel, but shes already unconscious, and already feel. Wake up! Wake Up! sounds like a horrible dream. Your friend, your comapanion, and your enemy? The nurse you can leave this bed in a week But your eyes swollen blind, and your heart still weak. These words cant describe what you've doen to her world These rythmes dont compare to the strain and her pain (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 19th, 2006
11:41 pm	bored.........more to come. i try to compare this all to something realistic, and all i can do is suffer more from this sickness, im falling, room spinnin around just like a top and i really dont know if i should try to keep on goin i wanna give in but i dont wanna give up but, what is a man to do when your stuck in these shoes these cement clogs, draggin you down into the ocean, the motion...still sickening you, dilerious why'm i even do this to myself. its pointless i cant even think streight feeling poorer by the minute deprived, im just a cheapskate morally bankrupted for all that i wronged prepared for the punishement, no matter how long so as i sit her waiting whats the best course of action that'll justfy myself, but give satisfaction calaborate on my malfunction, while still being the norm, the rooms slowin down and im hittin the floor. Goodnight, Sleep Tight, lets hope i sleep the night allright. no nightmares please, i live through more then enough (Comment on this)
Monday, July 10th, 2006
10:19 pm	another one for the masses.."Scents of Disaster" Can you keep up with me alright? Dont let youself get dragged behind the limelight Our fifteen minutes of fame is occuring and your gonna take that intermission? a simple mission, a simple task bask in the glory of our glory days struggle, and rebuttle, and find ways to have your last name lited in neon See Beyond the days of unequivilence when you were the ""coat to cover the puddle"" for i paid to earn these shoes but all these shoes did were give you bruises but i learned the law of equivilant matter and friendship, at the same moment we grew stronger, but enough on the past Ahoy, Scenses of Disaster my keen eye beholds As the applause fades into the distance i wonder if what i did was right if this sacrifice was foolish of sentimental on your behalf for until this day i wasnt half of the man i just became Now poor in appearence I just beacme rich in expirence I guess you can call it even just next time watch your step i just tripped out of the limelight to make sure you didnt get wet. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
9:57 pm	cha. another poem. here i go. Close your Eyes, Feel the Magic Just a CEG Chord, and a little hum appriciate the static, and the eerie that it brings the calm before the storm, intro to the refrain Strike with the Thunder to take you under Feel each beat pump throughout you Let your every pulse speed to half-time and comprehend every analagy of the rythme originalty is hard in reality but every beat, everytime predictible like clockwork but unique from the pace the shape of the hands determination on there face just living on a single thread Music...there saving grace. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 24th, 2006
9:27 pm	confused....just so confused..... Lookin' at the skys for a hint of inspiration Songs rushin through my head half exploding half patience wanna let it out, but afraid of the connotation Afraid of reactions or popular responses? Afraid and delayed, studdering in my mind after 15 years whys it so hard to think streight this time? see i cant even finish.....I've had no time to just sit down and think about anything. i havnt had a serious convrosation with anyone in forever and i dont know whats buggin me. school maybe? nothings really new but finals, and a few women lol Family? My dad still isnt spending time with me, but now im getting the ridicule for not making him hang with me. i really dont know anymore...suggestions? (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 27th, 2006
4:59 pm	Just Another Random Poem for the Ages. Sarcastic influences my heaRtbeat Corney jokes are my breath. Irony; my essence, Founded by none. I emphasize the small parts for now is what matters For if your not in the future why prefer a painting over a puzzle? Patiece over detail? Death just a weakness But Impossible to predict. Which is the Center? Why be given it all when you could work, feel the worK The effort most important why prefer the center over a cornerstone? A zephyr leaving slight distortion See less from the closer porportion. But looking in another's eYes and see from their perscription. Prediction verse interpratation Bloodshot eyes verse crytsal pools "perfect" reflections through the silver platter fools cease to make connections Appriciate the oversized knuckles and greased hands not perfect to the touch no diamond in the rough's enough To truley earn a good life's salery Then just stand behind the scarley Rope Five feet, but never more The Gallary enough for you? Fine But my dining room table has my attention. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 26th, 2006
4:49 pm	pros and cons of living today. This Earth amazes me. so many different pros and cons. like i mean its possible to go to space. fantisies become realities in blinks of seconds. You can show things happening that occur at different times in different continents at the same time someone is watching it. Of course when people live on the street. threaten to kill themselves cuz of a hangnail, and go anarexic 50 pounds underweight, it doesnt look like much. locally however, many things amaze and otherse cease to baffle me. + I can see anything going on anywhere in the world in nearly a blink of an eye and a remote in hand. I can wear almsot anythign i want because in this decade, fashion is going through a transition and no one knows whats really in. I can have some one who lives 100's of miles away to be about the closest person to my heart i'll ever have. and i do. I can protest ageinst everything i want, and in a argumental society/generation, have ones who agree. - I could be favored or hated by anyone soley because of ny opinions. or because im NOT a hypocrite I could lose a best friend because i supposovly do something and lie, cuz sterotypicly me, being a man, is a jerk and couldnt do anything outta the scicerity of they're heart I could be shunned from a group of people because of my religion, race, or other beliefs why this matters/concers any of you. but i felt i just needed to let that all go (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 13th, 2005
7:22 pm	so yeah, i feel poetic so let me be well this is gonna be a semi real update. so yeah. weekend other then fri it was an alrenation of sleepign and eating. litterly. grr. i havnt gotten to talk to jess and if she gets on shes GOING TO IM ME right jess? but yah everyones getting me christmas presents and i dont even know why. so i try doign i to everyoen else and no one wants anything lol well i admit it. i have a problem. i cant speel lol i mean spell ;). so yeah. erins awesome , school is awesome. and the such nothign to dramatic or else i'd post probs, so yah i might post a notha poem or sum lata, but till then p3@c3 (1 Comment |Comment on this)